A well dressed man...

If men spent half the time they spend trying to get laid on their appearance ...getting laid would be so much easier..
The cool breeze in Florida is reminding my that somewhere in the Northeast a man removes his coat ..only to reveal what he is about.. and 9 out of ten times I am marveled by the results. Whether it be argyle culture, rockabilly street wear, Brooklyn Hip Hop or Euro trip hop ..a man that makes a statement with his look gets me every time. Unfortunately where I live now those men come few and far between. In a place where Polo's and wife beaters are a staple...and men really are proving to not know what they are about ...fashion is dead. well dead after 25 . One would think that folks over 25 have the money and confidence to invest in a wardrobe that reflects who they are inside. And don't get me wrong ..I don't mean labels! We are coming out of a recession.. Labels are not an option...I'm into vintage myself. There are more affordable options now a days to look current and fashionable ..
I miss guessing the fragrance on a mans neck and hands ..whether it be axe or Valentino, it's still fun to figure it out. I have to say that Northeastern men are the absolute best at this .. and what of seen so far of Florida is quite disappointing ...
and then I walked into his studio. and was flabbergasted at the Rockabilly influence mixed in with a double dose of Elvis (Costello and Presley). My proverbial jaw dropped and for the first time I listened more than I talked.(a real first for me ). So I drop by his place every so often ..just to get my fix and not lose faith in the ability of a man to put himself together well...I assume he bathes due to the amount of product he deposits in his hair, but have no idea how he smells.. and for now that is just fine by me...

Naked...

Naked .. is probably one of the hardest things to interpret with photos or art ..even though it seems obvious ..For the past two days I've struggled with being naked ..looked at dozens of naked pictures of people ..buildings ..I've drawn myself naked trying attach a picture to the feeling of being truly naked ...in front of another human...What I have learned is that being naked has absolutely nothing to do with clothing..it's a state of mind that we mask in sexuality in order to make it seem ok..I have been photographed nude,painted nude, I have seen my naked body through the eyes the artist..and blushed as people walked up to me on the street and said "hey is that you on the wall at Botello Gallery"? I have been introduced as" the woman who is hanging on my wall" by people who were very proud to have my blatant nudity as conversation with their afternoon espresso.
They just saw the artist interpretation of my body..Most of the work was majestic, large , regal if you will..but they did not see that..they saw flesh..and sensuality that comes with the bravery of allowing yourself to be seen.. they saw POWER.. and with time so did I..
The most memorable pieces were made by Raquel Pawelonski, Rabindranat Diaz and Victor Vazquez..and one young photographer who's name I cannot remember and who's face I will never forget. And as time went buy I viewed my own nudity the same way a spectator would.. I saw flesh and sensuality..I lost my vulnerability as my desire to be undressed only included the outer layers of my clothing ans stopped when the last piece of lace was removed. I understood what is was to be nude..and could not even pronounce the word naked ...It sounded raw against my eardrums and got caught on the back of my tongue when I said it..
I don't know how to end this blogpost ..as I am in uncharted territory..


"I have always been brave enough to show you..but to afraid to let you in..because letting you in would mean you would be there forever..I don't respond well to WE and US because in the end that never has anything to do with ME..I carry my heart on my sleeve and many times it makes it's way to the hem of my skirt..yes..it's the only way to keep you away from my soul..a distraction that has worked for many years.." You say "there is a fine line between what is complicated and what is complex".. That line is me ..."

-Lola Gatillo

RIP Lolita Lebron Thank you for being who you were...The right kind of NAKED...

Where do I begin??

So I made it back from Ct with a new resolve. The "Fellow Fashonista" turned out to be a Complete and total "WANNABE". Ill mannered, highly unprofessional ..and a bit of a pathological liar. Yes folks I ended up participating in a bootleg version on MTV's "MY SUPER SWEET 16". The only difference is that the the B-Day girl turned 35 and Mom and Dad's money was not involved. So yes I got dooped, But, being the Pro that I am.. I showed up with my Glam squad and we rocked it out. The models were great and I must say I did meet some really great people...All I can say is my purpose in CT was not what I thought it was.

Being back in the state that I blame my "debacle" on was not as bad as I thought. Places seemed familiar ..smells..memories plagued me for a bit ..
And as I walked into that place that once scared me so ... God showed up..He paid me a little visit...
I was always envious of those people that spoke of supernatural experiences where they were severed from the negativity of their past ..released...delivered ..if you will...I never thought it would happen to me ..maybe I never believed enough... maybe it just was not my time ... All I can say is that as I left CT ..I left behind a cloud of dust and the loud thunder of chains as they hit the ground.. chains that bound my heart.soul my ability to create and ultimately my life ..and when I got off the plane in Fort Lauderdale..I realized that those chains ..were chains I had built myself, soldered and sealed..with a false sense of pride in my earthly accomplishments...
I got in my car and drove the three hours home to learn that all I had left were my God given gifts, In the last two hundred days I had lost everything I had built to make way for my future...and this future is dependant on what GOD gave me ...I can paint and I can write.....

It's been while....

Wow.. I am less than three weeks away from the big birthday and I cannot seem to get inspired enough to write. My last post really took it out of me..Needless to say I am close to leaving my "New England Bulge" in the past ..even though it feels like the fat cells are staging some sort of "sit in" a la Malcolm X... They are not trying to leave, and are holding on for dear life ..."by any means necessary".
Two days after I penned my last post , I got a call from a fellow fashionista that way back had asked me to be the MUA for a fashion show taking place in New Haven this summer...She signed me on for June 12th ..I reluctantly accepted, as I figured one or the other ..1. God wants to test me or #2. The devil wants to squash me. Either or I signed my name on the dotted line as I held my breath... Holding my breath is something I have become very good at lately ...I don't think my lungs like it much and it usually makes me pretty dizzy.
Now back to this fat that is hanging on for dear life! I have hired a trainer , my waist it whittling down by the day .. however the needle on the scale just won't budge.. This round of calorie cycling has been pretty challenging..considering that I am eating what it takes to sustain a small toddler.. I am pretty confused as to why the fat is hanging on.. I figure it has to do with the fact hat there is a HUGE part of me that does not want to let go of the "New England Bulge" . Maybe going back for a week will help liberate me ...maybe I'll be so sick to my stomach I won't eat and lose the last couple of pounds ..who knows?....
When I started this blog, my goal was to loose 100lbs and conquer all of my demons in 152 days...Well here is the realistic prediction. 50lbs, 22 inches and maybe 30% of my demons.
I figure that is more than many people achieve in a lifetime. So I have decided to keep writing .. I am also working on creating a web magazine called "MY BEAUTY UNLEASHED" I have purchased the domain and will begin production on it July of 2010. So look out for www.mybeautyunleashed.com.
The dating scene has become pretty interesting as well ...but that will be revealed in the next few posts.. I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I am alive and kicking in the sunshine state..and will be back with more stories soon!